


The Rewards of Being Loved

by theorangewitch



Series: Angstober [6]
Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo, The Language of Thorns - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Spoilers for The Language of Thorns, Unrequited Love, When Water Sang Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 06:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16213856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theorangewitch/pseuds/theorangewitch
Summary: In between moments of pain and fear, there were moments of peace. They were short, but they were sweeter than every delicacy the humans served her while she was on land, and they were what Ulla had to treasure in the long hours under the cold waves while she wrapped her sleek black tail around herself.All of these moments involved Signy in some way.





	The Rewards of Being Loved

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is the saddest piece I've written this month, which is saying something. To be fair, the source material is soul-splittingly sad. If you haven't read The Language of Thorns, you Should.
> 
> This is for Day 6 of Angstober - Unrequited Love. You can find a link to the challenge in the first work of this series.

In between moments of pain and fear, there were moments of peace. They were short, but they were sweeter than every delicacy the humans served her while she was on land, and they were what Ulla had to treasure in the long hours under the cold waves while she wrapped her sleek black tail around herself. 

All of these moments involved Signy in some way. On one particular day, on one particular early morning, she and Ulla wrapped themselves in thick wool blankets and sat in chairs on the balcony outside of Ulla’s room, the one that looked out over the sea. The sky and the sea were the same color at this hour: pale, gray-blue and gold, and Signy settled into her chair and sighed. Her red hair danced around her cheeks, and she smiled sleepily out at the sunrise. “Ulla,” she said, “do you think you’d stay on land forever if you could?”

“No,” Ulla replied immediately, because she wouldn’t. The land was unfamiliar and lonely, and the ocean had a limit while the sky did not. That sky terrified her. 

“Why not?” Signy asked. “Everyone loves you here.”

“Being loved never mattered to me.” Of course, Ulla had hated the loneliness that had come with being isolated when she lived as an outcast under the waves, but she had never wanted everyone’s love, only their respect. And she was no more respected here than she was underwater. No, she’d only ever wanted the love of one person. No, two people. No, one. Just one. 

“What does matter to you?” Signy asked. “If it isn’t love. Love is the most important thing in the world to me.”

Ulla laughed softly. “I know, Signy. But to me, all that matters is safety and respect, and I am respected nowhere, but safer underwater than here.” 

Signy nodded, but Ulla could tell that she didn’t understand. Then she burst into a grin. “I forgot to tell you,” she said. “Roffe gave something to me. Something from the library. I wanted to show you!” 

Ulla feared any gift Roffe had to offer, knew that it was only in service of his ulterior motives, but before she could stop her, Signy had rushed inside to retrieve it. When she returned, she was holding a mirror about the size of a dinner plate. Ulla forced herself not to recoil. Too many mirror in this damned castle. Signy sat and held out the mirror in front of them. It gleamed in the sunlight and was framed in beautifully engraved silver, but unlike the mirror that the apprentice had shown her, there seemed to be nothing magical about it. 

“It’s supposed to show the thing you want most, but I don’t think it works if there are two of us, so here.” Signy pushed the mirror into Ulla’s hands, and Ulla watched as Signy’s reflection left, leaving Ulla to stare into her own dark eyes. But then the reflection morphed again, and Signy’s reflection faded back into view. Ulla looked up, her reflection doing the same. But Signy was not behind her as the mirror showed, instead sitting across from her and looking back at her expectantly. Ulla looked back down at the mirror just in time to see Signy’s reflection lean over and kiss her own on the cheek. Signy’s then turned smiled out at her from the mirror, but a different kind of smile, one that Ulla had only ever seen her give Roffe. This couldn’t be, could it? Signy had said that it showed the thing she wanted most, but all she’d ever wanted was respect and safety. A place as the court singer represented that best, but that’s not what she saw in the mirror now. All she saw now was herself and Signy, alone together, and happy. 

“So?” Signy, the real Signy, prompted. “What do you see?”

Ulla fumbled. “Nothing,” she said, dropping the mirror into Signy’s lap. “Being court singer. What do you see?” But Ulla already knew the answer. 

“Roffe,” Signy answered, a blushing smile blooming across her cheeks. “Sitting on a throne by his side. Funny, if I’d found this a week ago I’d have thought it impossible.”

_ Impossible _ . Her greatest wish being Signy was impossible. She’d wanted court singer since she was a child, how could she want Signy more? But when Roffe had offered the position to her in exchange for singing fire, she’d still refused. But his threat against Signy’s heart...she’d taken that more seriously. She’d always known that she loved Signy, but loved her more than her own morality? Loved her more than anything in the world? Ulla silently took back the mirror to stare at the reflection of herself and Signy again. The Signy that was not. The Signy that would never be. 

When water consumed the castle and everyone and everything inside of it, it destroyed most of the magical trinkets the humans who had lived there had collective over the years. But somehow, that mirror survived. Ulla found it half buried in sand among the debris of a kingdom shattered. She picked it up, not recognizing it at first, until Signy’s face swam up to greet her own. Even after everything that had happened, her greatest wish was not Roffe’s death, or a home of her own, or her own tail back, but Signy’s true adoration, untainted by Roffe’s promises or Signy’s own weaknesses. A terrible, venomous fire burned through her veins and she lashed out and dashed the mirror against a large chunk of stone, smashing it into knife-like shards. But the enchantment on the mirror must have been strong, because when she looked down at the pieces, Ulla still saw herself and Signy in each and every one of them, smiling and laughing, still together in a way that they never would be again. 


End file.
